Today it was getting light as I drove to work. I like it when this starts to happen as it means that spring/summer (if you can class our summer as summer) is on its way. Sunshine and warm air has the tendency to make people feel happier. On the negative side though, it also has that terrible ability to make people walk around in shorts and crop tops (or just topless if they’re male) as soon as the sunshine makes an appearance – no matter what the temperature is. And there are a few people who could probably do with not inflicting that on general society.
It didn’t make me feel very happy this morning though.
One of the biggest things I’d been looking forward to this summer is my partner (when he’s not in work), Bump and I being able to walk my daughter to school and pick her up. I was actually stupidly excited about the thought of it. I don’t get to drop my daughter off at school, unless I’m off work, and the only time I finish work early enough to pick her up is on a Friday. I love it when I do get to take her to school, she gets so giddy when she arrives and hugs her friends. Makes my eyes well up (happy tears though, I don’t just cry at everything.) Not only was Bump’s arrival going to be exciting within itself but it meant spending more time with my daughter. I’d also be off work for the summer holidays too. We would all be able to go to the park, go to the beach, go for evening walks etc. It was going to be perfect.
Today I feel a bit like the odds are against us. I keep going over and over in my head all that’s been said at the meetings, and the negative things outweigh the positive things. Try as I might to focus on Bump arriving, I still always have the possible terrible outcomes at the back of my mind. I’m too scared to be excited.
On a positive note – work wise, today can’t have been as bad as yesterday because it was only a two chocolate bar day.