Sunshine & black cloud.

Today it was getting light as I drove to work. I like it when this starts to happen as it means that spring/summer (if you can class our summer as summer) is on its way. Sunshine and warm air has the tendency to make people feel happier. On the negative side though, it also has that terrible ability to make people walk around in shorts and crop tops (or just topless if they’re male) as soon as the sunshine makes an appearance – no matter what the temperature is. And there are a few people who could probably do with not inflicting that on general society.

It didn’t make me feel very happy this morning though.

One of the biggest things I’d been looking forward to this summer is my partner (when he’s not in work), Bump and I being able to walk my daughter to school and pick her up. I was actually stupidly excited about the thought of it. I don’t get to drop my daughter off at school, unless I’m off work, and the only time I finish work early enough to pick her up is on a Friday. I love it when I do get to take her to school, she gets so giddy when she arrives and hugs her friends. Makes my eyes well up (happy tears though, I don’t just cry at everything.) Not only was Bump’s arrival going to be exciting within itself but it meant spending more time with my daughter. I’d also be off work for the summer holidays too. We would all be able to go to the park, go to the beach, go for evening walks etc. It was going to be perfect.

Today I feel a bit like the odds are against us. I keep going over and over in my head all that’s been said at the meetings, and the negative things outweigh the positive things. Try as I might to focus on Bump arriving, I still always have the possible terrible outcomes at the back of my mind. I’m too scared to be excited.

On a positive note – work wise, today can’t have been as bad as yesterday because it was only a two chocolate bar day.

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2 thoughts on “Sunshine & black cloud.

  1. Hi bumps mummy, daddy and big sister.
    I just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you all during this difficult period. I know you probably won’t agree with this right now but my belief is that ‘ people are only ever given what they can cope with’ and you have been specially chosen to have such a special boy. I know you probably think “what utter rubbish” and that I have no idea but truly I do, with all the personal tragedy in my family since 2004.
    Anyway, one thing I wish to mention to you is a blog that I am currently following on FB. It is Tripp Halsteads Updates – a blog written by the parents of Tripp Halstead, 2 years of age, who whilst at nursery on 29th October last year during the bad storms that battered the USA, got struck by a falling tree, causing him to suffer brain damage. His parents, Bill and Stacy started to write the blog as a cathartic release and help them to deal with all what was happening to their little boy. Also, it saved them from having to face people that they knew, and re telling his story and updates over and over and over again. So they are charting his progress on at least a daily basis and sometimes hourly. They have thousands upon thousands of followers and this support is really helping them to get through everything that is thrown at them, and their little Tripp daily.
    HE IS MAKING PROGRESS…. albeit painfully slow BUT he is alive and is a little fighter. Currently he is still unable to engage emotionally and he cannot speak, feed himself, walk etc…. And he is still in hospital so it’s all very very slow but it is progress and he is now a lot better than he was only three months ago when his parents thought they had lost him. Incidentally, he was an IVF baby and mum got pregnant for a second time using IVF prior to Tripp’s accident and the baby was due on 29th October, the day of Tripp’s accident but unfortunately mum ‘lost’ the baby at an advanced stage of pregnancy which she now believes no matter how sad it is for her and her husband, that it was meant to be so that she could look after Tripp. Anyway, I’ve waffled enough so try and look them up. It may help to support you. If you don’t want to, that’s fine also. Any problems with accessing it, contact me on FB Jacqueline Rimington Stoll. You are already doing an amazing job in the face of adversity – sharing with others to help them. This makes you special people and from what I have read already in this blog, you will get through this, you are strong, you are fighters and you have the right outlook (IMHO ). God bless you all and take care and remember that people do care and will do anything to help you. I know I certainly will. Jacqui

    1. Thanks Jacqui for your comment and the information. I have looked and read through the Facebook page for Tripp. What a beautiful little boy and so brave. Absolute fighter. X

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